"We old folks have to find our cushions and pillows in our tankards. Strong beer is the milk of the old."
--Martin Luther

Prison Store

Welcome to the Ophir Prison Store! Here's your chance to own a little piece of Ophir Prison, without having to stand in line behind our creditors, the Department of Corrections, and a host of other state agencies.

All proceeds go to the Ophir Prison Halfway House.

(That's for the women who won't go all the way.)

Stuff to Wear
Embroidered Polo Shirts

Available in a plethora of colors and sizes, these shirts feature a nine-color embroidered image of Capt. Rufus T. Whizbang along with "OPHIR PRISON MARCHING BAND" in a contrasting color. Click on the shirt images below for colors, sizing, and shirt details.

Polo Shirt

Ladies Sleeveless Shirt

Embroidery Detail
(approx. 3¼" W × 3¼" H, including lettering)

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These classic 100% cotton t-shirts have been popular items for more than 30 years. The front sports an image of Capt. Rufus T. Whizbang in eight glorious colors, while the back manages to squeeze in the OPMKB&TS,L's complete ophical name in blue. Common sizes usually are available.

(front image is approx. 7" W × 9" H; back image is approx. 12¾" W × 6¾" H)

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Stuff to Wear on Stuff You Wear
Collectible Pins & Buttons

What better way to show your lack of musical taste than to top off any ensemble with one or more of our unique accessories. All metal.

O.P.M.K.B.&T.S.,L Collectible Pin
Eight colors on a gold-colored pin
(approx. 1" W × 1¼" H)

Capt. Rufus T. Whizbang Fan Club Button
Eight colors on a white button
(approx. 3" diameter)

I Go For Ophir Button
The original Ophir Prison Band collectible!
(approx. 2¼" diameter)

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Stuff to Watch, Listen to, and/or Laugh at

If you've been looking for a way to take Ophir home, but couldn't figure out where to put 60 guys and an assortment of musical instruments, have we got a deal for you. Our two DVDs show and tell you more about the Ophir Prison Band than you'd ever care to know… or believe!

The brand-new DVD "Behind Bars Everywhere" features a quasi-variety show of live concert favorites mixed in with TV spoofs, as well as video evidence of the band's 2008 performance at San Quentin State Prison and decades-old footage of treasured band shtick and antics. "Ophir: EXPOSED!" purports to document efforts to locate Ophir Prison and to trace the band's origins, again with lots of energetic live performance footage. Both discs are generously sprinkled with gags in unexpected places, including the credits, trailers, faux commercials, deleted scenes, and much more. You can read a review of "Ophir: EXPOSED!" here.

Behind Bars Everywhere
Click on an image to see a larger version.
Click on an image to see a larger version.


The band's two CDs, "Back in the Slammer" and "Jailbreak!", cover a lot of musical territory… kinda like Dutch Elm disease, but without the trees. (Word has it the Dutch aren't too keen on being mentioned here, either…) Nevertheless, the discs present lots of favorites from many years of performance. "Back in the Slammer" finds the band recording in a studio environment (and throwing in a few twists), while "Jailbreak!" was recorded live at various performance venues.

Back in the Slammer
Click on an image to see a larger version.
Click on an image to see a larger version.
Other Stuff
Travel Mug

Great for coffee, tea, water, or soda.
Or beer, as long as you're not the one doing the driving…

Click on the image to see a larger version.

License Plate Frame

Hey, your license plate is made in prison, so why not its frame?

(white engraved lettering/blue plastic tiles on metal frame)

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How to Order
The Lowdown

To obtain your very own merchandise from the Ophir Prison Marching Kazoo Band & Temperance Society, Lmtd., please send an e-mail to Rufus T. Whizbang (our Dum Major) at rufus@ophirprison.com. He will quote you the current price for any and/or all of your selections, including shipping and handling. Once you receive your price quotation, send a check or money order (made out to Ophir Prison Band) for however much he says to:

Ophir Prison Band
P.O. Box 94
Folsom, CA 95763-0094.

Sorry, we are unable to accept credit cards; inmates keep copying them.

Assuming we can keep the inmates out of solitary confinement, your merchandise will be promptly sent to the address of your choice.

Thank you for your support and please be sure to sign our guestbook.

And… spoken from the bottom of our hearts, UP YOURS!

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