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Anyone who has seen the Ophir Prison Marching Kazoo Band and Temperance
Society LMTD. has come to us with many questions. This page contains many
frequently asked questions about us. Hopefully this will help answer some
of the questions you have concerning the band. If by chance your question isn't found on this list, we probably don't want to answer it at this time. But you may e-mail the question to Rufus anyway. We might just give you an answer.
Question: What is OPHIR?
Answer: Pronounced as in "O-fer-pete's sake". Ophir was a small
gold rush town just west of Auburn, CA.
Question: Is "RUFUS" his real name?
Answer: No one in the band uses his real name. Some to protect
our families, some because we still have warrants outstanding, and Rufus
uses his stage name to protect him from his family.
Question: Why does Rufus look like a different person sometimes?
Answer: Rufus is a master of disguise.
Question: What is the story of "Rufus T. Whizbang"?
Answer: That's a long story and will have to be dealt with at another time.
Question: Are there any violent criminals in the band?
Answer: No. We used to allow murderers and the like into the band
but they kept getting sent to the chair, so we stopped letting them in.
Question: So...what are you all in for?
Answer: Tax evasion mostly.
Question: Wasn't Al Capone sent to jail for "tax evasion"?
Answer: What's your point?
Question: Didn't there used to be more guys in the band?
Answer: There were, but last year we played a concert over in Nevada
and when we came back into California we went through that fruit and nut
inspection....well....this is all we have left.
Question: Does anybody ever try to escape while at a parade?
Answer: What! And get kicked out of the band?
Question: Do you take requests?
Answer: We tried, but our horns just don't fit there.
Question: What is wrong with "Take Me Out to the Ball Game"?
Answer: There is nothing wrong with the song or our performances of it.
People just can't remember the words.
Question: Does the band ever win in Parade Competitions?
Answer: We almost always win our division. Ok, beating the Salvation
Army in the "adult band" class isn't much, but we have posted several grand
sweepstakes awards!
Question: What happens to money that is donated to the band during concerts?
Answer: All money collected goes to the "Ophir Prison Halfway House". This is for
girls who don't go all the way. (we have a 93% success rate at curing that!)
Question: What kind of events have you played at?
Answer: Anywhere we can get away with it! We have played in parades all over
northern California and played concerts at most. We have played for major sporting
events like Warriors Basketball, Indoor Soccer, and the Pig Bowl. We are also known
to terrorize an occasional wedding, a few High School events, and once we played
at a frat party. (that was a mistake!)
Question: Are you guys crazy?
Answer: No, that's another institution altogether. The California State
Mental Hospital does have a kickin' band though. I got to sit in with them one
time when I was in for "observation". They never get to go anywhere though, too
many psychopaths.
Question: Can anyone join the band?
Answer: Well almost; the band has standards (they are low
but they do exist). To find out more about how to join us in our
merriment
click here.
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