"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
--Dave Barry

Most Wanted

ALIAS: LIPS

Wanted in connection with the maiming and dismemberment of a copyrighted song.

ALIAS: BIG DOG

Wanted for unlawfully wire tapping a (sousa)phone.

ALIAS: El Vez

Wanted on 2 counts of impersonating someone with rhythm.

ALIAS: FIVECOTT

Wanted for playing piano on a trumpet.

ALIAS: FLATTOP

Wanted in connection with the unauthorized use of written dynamics.

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