ALIAS: DORKWanted for opening a spit valve on a public sidewalk. ALIAS: BIG DOGWanted for unlawfully wire tapping a (sousa)phone. ALIAS: MELLOWanted by the ASPCA for extreme cruelty to (trum)pets. ALIAS: FLATTOPWanted in connection with the unauthorized use of written dynamics. ALIAS: TSTSWanted for dumping toxic waste... from a spit valve.